i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize