And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
