She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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