his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
