im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
