I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
