just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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