Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
