Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
