we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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