Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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