Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
