Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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