I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I look better un-naked...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
