If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize