Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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