my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
