If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
