I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
