you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
