My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
