i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
