My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
