I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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