At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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