rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize