She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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