Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
