Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
