I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize