you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
