covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize