u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
