dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
