Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I CAN MOONWALK!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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