i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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