My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
why is half of my head shaved?
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