that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
