you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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