So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
