Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
