Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize