I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
