jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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