Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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