I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
