I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
