I smell stomach acid.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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