I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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