Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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