if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
babies were throwing up all over the place
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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