Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
