I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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