I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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