He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
