Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Are we still banned from the library?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
