My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
