I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
