I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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