Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
