I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
