Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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