She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
