I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
