I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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