I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
