you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize