I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
