Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
