Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
