yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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