you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That's how pantless uber rides happen
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
