i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Are my feet made of real feet?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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