Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
